Nothing Odd Going on Here
by Unassailable Heart
Summary: Noo... Nothing odd going on here... The team isn't giving caffeine to speedsters, or kidnapping Arsenal, or shopping in costume, or hugging supervillains, or making fun of La'gaan... Totally not...
1. Coffe Fail

**Hey people! First DC story! How cool is that? It's not Marvel, I I loves it anyways…**

 **And yes, this would happen to a speedster if given a lot of the drink.**

 **Also, I'm changing my pen name from SteampunkSmugglerGirl to Unassailable Heart. Read on!**

 **~SteampunkGirl**

Garfield Logan switched position on the couch again, kicking his feet up off the arm of the couch onto the back, so he was now upside-down. Then he sighed.

Jaime Reyes wandered past. "Hey Gar. Any word from Batman?"

"Nope. Nothing. No missions. Again. It's been six days since anything's happened. I'm so bored!" he complained.

A red and white blur appeared next to the couch in the form of Bart Allen. "Hey guys! What are you-"

 _Ding!_

"Whoops, that's the microwave." And Bart disappeared in another blur.

Jaime shook his head. "Sometimes I think I'm only friends with him because he's one step away from stalking me…"

Gar wasn't listening. "Hey Blue, we have coffee in here, right?"

"Uh, I think so. Why? You don't like coffee."

Gar pushed off of the couch, stretched, and grinned in the direction of the kitchen. "It's not for me."

Jaime tipped his head to the side, confused. Then his eyes widened. "No! Absolutely not! There is no way I'm letting you give coffee to someone with superspeed!"

"Oh come on! What's the worst that could happen?"

"He can run through walls! Anything could happen! We are not giving caffeine to someone who can break the sound barrier easier than they can work the TV remote!" Jaime insisted.

"I heard TV remote. Those things are hard. Lots of buttons." Bart Allen said, reappearing next to the couch swallowing whatever food he had been heating up. "So what are we doing?"

Gar grabbed Bart's arm, guiding him back to the kitchen. "Nothing really. But I do have a delicious drink I think you should try…"

Jaime pressed his hand to his forehead. "Someone's mentor is going to kill me for this," he muttered, trailing after Gar and Bart.

…

Bart spat brown liquid, breathing hard, and stuck his tongue out of his mouth.

"-It's hot," Jaime said, a second too late.

"Gah, I think I burned my taste buds off," complained Bart.

Gar wrinkled his nose. "Gross. I'm so not cleaning that up."

Jaime leaned in. "Your idea. You clean up the mess. Get. A. Rag," he growled.

"Like I said, I'll clean this up…"

Bart meanwhile had poured himself another cup of coffee and had dropped some ice cubes in it. "Ok, let's do this again." He took a long drink of coffee. "It's pretty good. I still like milk better, even though it comes from a weird place."

"Some people put- ow!" Jaime glared at Gar, rubbing his side where he had been elbowed.

"It'll work faster if we don't dilute it, "whispered Gar.

"I don't want it to work at all!" Jaime hissed back.

Bart meanwhile had finished what was in his cup and poured himself another.

 _Recognized, Nightwing, B01,_ announced the computer.

"Hey, maybe he's got a mission for us!" Gar said excitedly.

"Putting sugar in this really improves the taste!" said Bart, stirring in several spoonfuls.

"Don't put so much!" Jaime said, pushing the bag of sugar away from Bart. "I'm gonna go see what Nightwing wants. Just- stay calm, ok, _ese_?"

"Ok, sure," said the speedster, reaching for the sugar again.

Jaime walked into the main part of the cave, trying to think up a good excuse for why Bart would be running around crazy in a few minutes. He couldn't come up with any.

"Hey Jaime. What have you been up to?" Nightwing asked.

"Up to? Uh, nothing! What makes you think we've been up to anything?" Jaime said, trying to sound casual and failing epically.

Garfield raised his eyebrows at him.

"Okay, what have you two been doing?" Nightwing asked. "And don't try to deny it. There's no way you guys were just watching TV, not after the way Blue was acting."

Gar coughed slightly. "Well, Batman hadn't sent us on any missions in a few days, and no one had really stopped by-"

"Hey, I'm no one?" Jaime protested.

"-So I was forced to entertain myself!" Gar finished.

Nightwing narrowed his eyes. "What did you do?"

"We gave Impulse an entire pot of regular coffee to drink."

Nightwing frowned. "But that won't-"

"Hey! Any missions? Coffees all gone, by the way," Bart said, speeding in and interrupting Nightwing.

"Yes. Yes there is. Mirror Master has been threatening us. Bart, I need you to count every reflective surface in the cave for me."

"Ok, I can-"

"But first," Nightwing said, holding up his hand. "Tell me, how do you feel?"

"I have this weird sort of buzz in the back of my head… Oh, wait, it's gone now." Bart said, and then ran off.

"Mirror Master is going to attack?" Jaime asked.

"No. I just needed to keep Bart busy while I explain something to you. The coffee thing. It's not going to affect him at all." Nightwing said.

"But it was a whole pot! Shouldn't he be bouncing off the walls?" Gar asked.

"I tried sort of the same thing with Kid Flash once, but I used energy drinks. All that happened was he complained of a slight buzzing in the back of his skull. Because he was a speedster, his body works ten times faster than the average persons; he was just metabolizing all the caffeine. Flashes can't get hyper."

"Oooh…" said Gar, nodding slowly. "Noted."

"I'm so relieved!" Jaime said.

"So relieved about what?" Bart asked, standing next to Jaime. "I feel like I keep getting the last few words of conversations today. And there are forty six reflective surfaces in here, but if you rub really hard on the walls, they smooth down and get shiny."

"Sorry Bart, turns out Mirror Master is not attacking, that's what Jaime was relived about," Nightwing said.

"Darn. It's been a little slow lately," complained Bart. "Do we have anymore coffee?"

"We do, but no matter how much you drink, it's not gonna speed things up. Life's disappointing sometimes…." Gar sighed and headed back to the couch.

Jaime walked with Bart back to the kitchen. "Maybe you should stick to milk, just in case."


	2. Speedster Hugs

"Bar- Impulse! Get back here!" Kid Flash, A.K.A Wally West, had been talked into watching his cousin for a day. It was not going well.

"Aw come on, it'll take five minutes! All we do is go to the bank, punch a couple of robbers, and its over!" Bart 'Impulse' Allen pleaded, crossing his arms. "Please? It's boring just watching you do schoolwork, and we're already in our costumes."

Kid Flash sighed, wishing now that he had never given in to Impulse's begging to go for a run to Central City to alleviate his boredom. "Ok, fine! But you have to listen to me, and follow any orders I give you, these aren't ordinary bank robbers, it's Captains Cold and Boomerang. They're used to dealing with speedsters-"

"You sound like Nightwing when someone does something stupid. Tim says he sounds like his mother then."

Kid Flash glared at him. "Did you just say I acted like someone's mom?"

"No, I said you acted like Nightwing when Tim says he's acting like someone's mom." Impulse clarified. "Can we go now?"

"Ok, but-"

 _Zoom!_

"Argh," Kid Flash said as he took off after his cousin.

"Haha, is that the best you can do?" yelled the Central City Rogue known as Captain Boomerang as he threw another exploding boomerang at the cops currently surrounding the bank.

"Digger, stop taunting people and blow us an escape path before-"

"Hey, you must be Captain Cold! I'll take that," said a brown haired boy in red and white as he grabbed Captain Cold's cold gun.

Cold blinked a few times. "Kid….Flash?"

"Nah, I'm over here," Said Kid Flash, grabbing a boomerang and throwing it at Captain Boomerangs feet.

 _Boom!_

"Oof!" Captain Boomerang landed hard next to Cold. "Oww… Look at all the pretty lights…"

Cold dug his foot into his teammates side. "Get up, Digger."

"Digger? Like Digger Harkness?" Impulse asked as Captain Boomerang staggered upright.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" he affirmed, glaring at the young speedster.

With no warning whatsoever (which is the way he did pretty much everything, Kid Flash thought), Impulse took two quick steps forwards and threw his arms around Captain Boomerangs waist.

"Huh?" said Captain Boomerang.

"Who is this?" said Captain Cold.

"Impulse! Let him go!" said Kid Flash.

"But he's my half brother's dad, which makes him my-" Impulse said, his voice rather muffled by the Rogue's coat.

"I don't care if he's your mother! Get! Off!" Kid Flash growled.

"How many Flashes are there?" asked Cold. "This is the fourth one I've seen!"

"Why's he hugging me? I'm his what now?" Captain Boomerang said confusedly, looking down at the kid still glommed onto him.

Impulse pulled away far enough so he could speak properly. "You're my- Mmmf!"

Kid Flash pressed his hand over his cousin's mouth. "This is Impulse, and he's, um, a speedster, lost in time, with the, the um, self proclaimed mission to hug everything!" _Dang, I have got to start preparing excuses beforehand.…_

"Huh?" said Captain Boomerang, again.

"What?" said Cold.

"I'm not lost. I'm right here." Impulse pointed out.

Kid Flash tried to communicate _you can't let Rogues know you're their relative from the future it's a bad idea_ using only his eyes.

It seemed to click all of a sudden. "Ohh, yeah! Um, I shall, hug this lightpole!" Impulse announced, doing just that.

Cold shook his head. "The Flashes around here just keep getting weirder and weirder…." He said as his hands were cuffed behind his back.

"And this blonde lady!"

"Oh! Hello, young man…"

"Huh?" said Captain Boomerang as a medic checked him for a concussion.

Something hard slammed into Kid Flash and attached itself around his waist. "Guess maybe you threw that boomerang to close," Impulse said from where he had transferred his attention to his older cousin.

"He'll be fine, please get off."

"No."

"Yes!" Kid Flash insisted, trying to pry Impulses arms from around him. _Dang it, why'd Nightwing have to start doing upper body strength training with him?_

Impulse looked at him with big sad green eyes. "Why won't my relatives let me love them?" he asked, a catch in his voice.

"First one home gets the whole bag of Chicken Whizzies."

There was a whoosh, and a blur, and Impulse was gone.

"He wins," Kid Flash said to the lightpole, jogging slowly after his cousin.


	3. A Nice Family Dinner

"A nice family dinner," Oliver Queen, aka Green Arrow said, as he slid a knife into his boot. "Dinah will be there. It'll be great!"

Roy Harper, his former sidekick, Red Arrow nodded, putting several more arrows in his quiver. "Sounds fun. You got the chloroform?"

"Yup. Two cloths soaked in it in plastic bags. Here!" Ollie tossed one at Roy, and tucked the other one into a pocket. "But you brought a few knock out arrows, just in case right?"

Roy nodded. "Of course. It's always good to be prepared with him. I also have a pair of handcuffs, just in case we need something stronger than zipties."

"Speaking of…" Ollie passed him a few colorful plastic ties. "Alright, I think that's everything."

Roy checked his phone, watching a glowing dot on a grid map of Star City. "I've got him. Let's go get our dinner guest."

…

"I'm going to get you both for this," growled Roy Harper.

"Wasn't my idea," said Roy Harper.

"You know, we really are gonna have to think of a way to tell you two apart," Ollie mused from the driver's seat.

"How about you _let me go,_ and then you'll only have one to deal with!" Roy Harper, aka Arsenal said, struggling against the zipties around his wrists and ankles.

"How about you answer your phone sometimes, so I don't have to kidnap you every time I want to check up?" Ollie suggested.

"How about we save the arguments until Dinah's here, and she can settle it with her death glares?"

"How about bald Roy and spiky Roy?"

Both Roys stared at him. "Really? Our hair? That the best you can do?"

"Yeah, you're really in no position to be criticizing hair, Ollie," said Roy, glaring at Ollie's goatee from the back seat.

"Well I'd like to see you do better…."

"What's wrong with calling me Arsenal and him Red Arrow?" Roy asked.

"What if someone's there who doesn't know about us being Superheroes?" Roy countered. "Nicknames…might be a good idea."

"Well…you come up with something then. I was Roy first!"

"I know, how about Boba and Jango?" Ollie said, parking the car in front of his mansion.

"What?"

"Thank heaven we're here. Can I get out of these zipties now?"

…

"Big Roy and little Roy?"

"This is not Dr. Seuss."

"You suck at nicknames," Roy grumbled, stabbing at his salad with a fork held in his mechanical arm.

"Roy A and Roy B?"

"Only if we can call you Ollie J-E-R-K."

"Come to a family dinner he said. It'll be great he said…"

Dinah Lance, Oliver's girlfriend and the heroine known as Black Canary cleared her throat. "I think maybe we need to stop with the nicknames for now. Let's talk about something else. Roy?" she said, turning to the taller of the two. "How's Lian?"

"Um, good. I think. Still, you know, small."

"Who's Lian?"

"My…Daughter."

"You're married?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, I am."

Roy sat back in his chair, musing on this. "That's so weird. If I hadn't been frozen, she could have been my wife…."

Roy pointed his fork at the look alike across the table. "Keep your hands off."

"Fine, I can probably do better anyways."

"Better than a Vietnamese assassin who helped find you when the entire justice league couldn't and took out twenty ninja monk guards all with a baby tied to her torso?" Roy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"It's too bad 'Miss' is only for girls, otherwise we could call one Miss Roy and the other Mister Roy, because he's married," Ollie said.

Roy choked on is food.

"Call me Miss Roy ever again and you won't live to get married."

"Ollie, I think you need to let this nickname thing go. Before we all leave," Dinah said.

"Wait, we can leave?" Roy asked in disbelieve, standing up.

"Roy, _sit down_ we are finishing this dinner like a normal family," Dinah ordered.

"But we're not! You are my estranged legal custodian's girlfriend, and that guy's my clone! Why do we need to finish dinner like a normal family when we're not?"

"How about Well Adjusted Roy and Psycho Crazy Roy?" said Roy.

"Argh!" Roy dove across the table to tackle his clone.

Dinah sighed, getting up. "It was nice while it lasted. See you, Roy. Good bye Ollie."

"Bye Dinah."

"Same time next month?" Roy asked, twisting the smaller hims arm up his back.

"Of course. Chili next time though," Ollie said.

"Oww! No! Not again! You can't make me do this again!" Roy yelled, kicking the other in the shin.

"Ow! Cut it out! Do you have to make such a big deal out of this every month?"


	4. Future Song

**Song to be sung to the tune of '99 bottles of beer on the wall', and yeah, it is Disney channel.**

 **~Unassailable Heart**

"Argh, when can we start the mission?" Impulse asked.

"Not for another half hour, that's when all the employees go home," Tim Drake, aka Robin said, checking the time.

"What do we do if we actually need to use the bathroom?"

"Arsenal, don't make this weird," said Blue Beetle.

"Legit concern," insisted Arsenal.

"What time is it now?" asked Impulse.

"Thirty seconds since the last time you complained about the time," said Robin. "Find some way to occupy yourself."

"We are in bathroom stalls," pointed out Arsenal. "It's not the most stimulating place to be."

"It's not supposed to be, normal people don't spend a ton of time in here," said Blue Beetle

"Part of being a good covert agent is being able to hide out for long periods of time with nothing to occupy yourself," said Robin. "I suggest we all practice this skill."

Arsenal snorted. "Get off it, you're not Batman."

"I'll sing a song from the future," Impulse offered.

"It's not very long or loud?" Blue Beetle asked.

"Nope."

"Alright, go," said Arsenal.

"One hundred people in line for bread, one hundred people in line! Get a loaf; take it home, that's all the bread we have for an entire year." Bart sang. Then he sighed. "That's a very good song…"

"Um…" Blue Beetle frowned.

"That's not really a song from the future!" said Arsenal.

Impulse sat up straight and glared in the general direction of Arsenals stall. "Yeah it is!"

Blue Beetle shook his head. "No its not, you got that from Disney channel."

"I did not!"

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't!"

"Prove it!" demanded Arsenal.

" _How_? Wait a sec, why does Blue say it's from Disney channel?" Bart asked.

"Yeah, why do you watch Disney channel?" Arsenal said.

"I, um, I don't watch Disney channel! I never said that! It's… my little sister!" Blue Beetle said.

"Um, no its not, you don't have any siblings, little or otherwise," Bart said, folding his arms.

"Dude, stop going over to my house when I'm not home."

"But your mom makes great cookies, and I don't have a mom to feed me desserts."

"Wow, the sympathy card? Suck it up, Impulse. And stop stalking people," Arsenal added.

"I'm not stalking, I just like to make sure I'm not hanging out with people who might lose me for a few months and then not notice if I'm replaced with a clone," Bart said.

Arsenal stood up. "So help me I will come over there and-"

"Cut it out!" hissed Robin. "Next person to talk I will personally report to Nightwing!"

There was sullen silence for the next few minutes. It was not to last.

"I really do need to use the bathroom."

"Ugh, Can we puh-leez start the mission now?"

Robin growled. "Fine!"


	5. Mexico

"I'm leaving," Arsenal aka Roy Harper announced, turning back to the limo. Two people intercepted him.

"Dude, if we have to be here, you have to be here," said Bart Allen.

"Come on, it won't be that bad," added Jaime Reyes. "I bet the food'll be great."

Roy scoffed. "If I wanted good food, I'd order a pizza. And why are we the only ones from the team here?"

"First off, you're not on the team, Nightwing kicked you off. And Beast Boy is having some sort of family day with M'gann," Bart said.

Roy was about to reply, when a hand reached out from the shadows and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Gah!"

"Hello Roy, Bart, Jaime," said Tim Drake. "I'm glad you came. Party's this way."

"Happy Birthday, Tim," Jaime said, following their host into the mansion.

"What he said," muttered Roy.

"Wow, does this happen every year?" Bart asked, looking around at all the decorations and people and presents.

"Yeah, pretty much everyone has a party for their birthday. But Waynes tend to overdo things…"

"Is the punch spiked?" Roy asked, pouring himself a cup.

Tim rolled his eyes. "Yes, Roy, I slipped some alcohol into the punch, under Bruce's nose, in a party full of minors. Of course it's not spiked!"

"At least tell me there's cake."

"There is indeed cake."

"I don't know when my birthday is," Bart realized suddenly.

"….Why not?" Jaime asked.

"I don't think anyone ever told me. I mean, I know I'm thirteen. I just don't know when I turned thirteen." Bart said.

"Huh. Well, I guess you get to pick your birthday," Tim said.

"You've got a bowl for of giant pixie sticks here," Roy said, holding a few up. "I say we force feed them to Bart and see what happens."

"How about not?" Bart suggested, backing up a few steps.

"It won't do anything, _hermano_. Trust me," Jaime said.

"Look, I have to go say hi to people, I'll find you again later, Bruce said I could take his 'special' car for a drive. Want to come?" Tim asked.

"I'm in," said Roy.

"Definitely," said Jaime.

"Nah, it's probably slow compared to me."

Jaime elbowed Bart in the ribs. "You're coming. I've had your grandfather and your cousin and Ni- Dick ask me to make sure you stayed out of trouble."

"Um, it seems like I could get into more trouble driving around the city in the middle of the night then just staying here," Bart pointed out.

"Ok, you can come with us and keep us out of trouble," Roy said, pouring his pixie stick into his punch and stirring it together. "Come on, you would not believe the amount of food they have here. And two thirds of it contains enough sugar to kill a small mammal."

Bart trailed after Jaime and Roy, looking a little apprehensive. "I have a bad feeling about this…"

…

Wally West let out another snore, and shifted slightly in his chair, the TV shining soft shifting lights over his sleeping features.

 _Briing briing!_

Wally jolted awake with a start, almost falling out of the arm chair.

"Huh?"

He looked over at the clock. It read 1:56. He grabbed the still ringing phone and hit the answer button.

"Hello?"

"Wally?" asked Bart, from where he was sitting on the top of the Batmobile.

"Yeah, fire another one!" yelled Roy, grinning at the destruction the last missile they had fired at a tree.

"Bart?" Wally's voice was slightly distorted through the phone. "What going on? Aren't you supposed to be at Tim's party?"

"Yeah…I don't think we're in Gotham anymore."

"What? What happened? Tim said it was a small party at his house!" Wally said.

"Well the party was supposed to stay local, but I think we might be in Mexico," Bart said.

"Mexico! How did you get to Mexico? Why do you think you're in Mexico?" Wally asked confusedly, pinching his arm to make sure this wasn't some sort of weird dream.

"Jaime's speaking Spanish," Bart said, watching Jaime explain something about the tires on the Batmobile to Tim. Tim was nodding like he totally got it. Bart was pretty sure Tim couldn't speak Spanish.

"That's why you think you're in Mexico? What, Jaime reverts back to his first language every time he leaves the US?"

"Hey, it's my best guess," Bart said defensively. "Roy! Don't put rocks in the barrel of the guns on this thing! It will not make them shoot rocks! Wally, please send someone to come get us before we all die."

Wally rubbed his temples. "Fine, I'll call Nightwing and have him trace your phone signal. How did you get to 'Mexico' anyway?"

"Tim took the Batmobile. I think normal humans should never eat as much sugar as was consumed tonight…"

Wally took the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a moment, like it could explain the happenings of his so far very strange night. "They're all on a sugar high?"

"Yup."

"Wow, that's truly amazing," Wally sighed. "Ok, I'll call Nightwing. Just- make sure nothing else gets-"

 _BOOM!_

"Whoo! Yeah!" yelled Roy.

"What was that?" demanded Wally.

"Um, Batman might need some new tires for the Batmobile," Bart said, holding up a piece of burnt rubber.

"What? How did- never mind, I don't want to know. I'm sending Nightwing your way," Wally hung up the phone, and then dialed Nightwing's number. "Hey, I know it's late, but there's a slight emergency…"

Bart sighed, picking piece of grass to pieces as he watched his friends to make sure nothing overly dangerous was happening. His head jerked up as he heard the sound of an approaching car. A black car pulled up behind the Batmobile, and Nightwing got out, dressed in his uniform. "Hi Bart. Wally called me to pick you guys up."

Bart stood up, dusting off his jeans. "Good. Um, you might need to call a tow truck. I don't think any of the Batmobile's tires are actually… whole."

Nightwing looked over at it and sighed. "I'll let Batman deal with that. This isn't Mexico, by the way. It's Florida."

"Who cares? It definitely not where I'm supposed to be," Bart said. "Am I going to get in trouble for this?"

Nightwing shook his head. "No, you were apparently the only responsible one. That's for making sure no one got hurt."

"Except the Batmobile. Let's go, I'm not gonna want to visit Mexico for at least a month."

"Bart this isn't- oh, never mind, just get in the car."


	6. Stubbed

"Come on kid, keep up!" the Flash called over his shoulder to his young sidekick as they raced through Central City.

"Slow down, my legs aren't as long as yours!" panted Kid Flash, dodging pedestrians.

"You'll miss dinner!" Flash teased, making a sharp right past the grocery store.

"I never miss-AHHH!" Kid Flash collapsed suddenly, skidding a few feet and then curling into a fetal position as soon as he stopped.

"Kid!" the Flash zoomed over to the eleven year olds side and dropped to one knee. "Are you alright? What happened? Lemme look!" he said, trying to pull Kid Flash into a sitting position.

"Owww, just let me die…." moaned Kid Flash.

Flash grabbed his shoulders and shook him slightly. "Kid, where are you hurt?" he said, seriously.

Kid flash sat up with a wince and grabbed his ankle. "Ow ow ow, I think I broke something!"

"You broke your ankle?" Flash made a grab for his foot, but Kid Flash jerked it away.

"No don't touch it! I'm fine."

Flash raised an eyebrow. "Five seconds ago, you were dying, and now you're fine? What happened?"

Kid Flash coughed slightly. "I…. stubbedmyfootonthecornerofthestore."

"You stubbed your toe? That's what all the melodramatics were for?"

Kid Flash glared at him. "I've only had super speed for three months; I've never stubbed my toe while running before! This hurts!"

Flash stood up and shrugged. "It's not life threatening. Come on, walk it off."

Kid Flash sighed, then looked up at his mentor hopefully and lifted his arms up.

Flash stood confused for a second, and then shook his head. "No! I'm not carrying you! Your foot's not broken, you're fine!"

Kid Flash sniffled. "O-ok, I'll try, but maybe my aunt will be mad when she heard that the Flash made me run home after I got hurt."

"You're going to tell on me? Wow Kid, that's low," Flash said. "Alright, come on," He knelt down so Kid Flash could climb onto his back, and then took off. "You're the third speedster to be a Flash, and the very first one to ever stub his toe while speeding."

"My mom always said I was special!"

"Yes you are, Kid, yes you are."


	7. Arrow Family Dinner: Revenge of the Roys

Ollie ducked, trying to protect the little girl he was holding from the sparks that flew up as part of the ceiling collapsed as fire ate away at the building.

"Green Arrow! We've got the last of them!" yelled Red Arrow from another room.

"Good! Let's get out!"

He turned, making his way through the burning building as quickly as he dared, knowing Red Arrow and Arsenal were right behind him. The door was straight ahead. There was a sudden rumble at the upper floor began to deteriorate in earnest. Ollie ran for the door, making it, and put the girl down to see Red Arrow come through with another kid, and Arsenal came last, not close enough behind Red Arrow. The doorframe collapsed, hitting his shoulder, and his shirt caught fire.

"Ahh!"

"Take it off, take it off!" cried Red Arrow, leaping towards Arsenal, dragging him away from the door and pushing him down onto the ground in an attempt to smother the flames.

Arsenal grabbed the bottom of his shirt with his real hand, and dragged it over his head, tossing it away. "Ow!"

Ollie had run over by his two protégés. Arsenal had a few burns, but the worst of the fire had been on the sleeve covering his mechanical arm. "You ok?"

Arsenal nodded as Red Arrow helped him to his feet. "I'll be fine."

"Good thing its Arrow family dinner night, I have burn salve at the house," Ollie said. "To the ArrowCar!"

"Why do we call it that?" Arsenal groused as they climbed in, Ollie in the front with Arsenal and Red Arrow in the back.

"Because we seek to emulate Batman in all things," said Red Arrow.

"Except the ears on the super suit thing, even I think that's stupid looking," said Ollie.

"You made us wear a Robin Hood hat with a feather on it." said Arsenal

"Now that was stupid looking," said Red Arrow.

"You liked it at the time."

"I'd have worn-"

"Almost!" interrupted Arsenal.

"-almost anything if it meant I'd get to work with a Justice Leaguer," said Red Arrow.

"Well, I thought it looked good," muttered Ollie.

"Says the man with the goatee…"

"Are you ever gonna leave that alone?" Ollie snapped at Arsenal.

"Nope."

"Oh look, we're here. Time for another fun filled family dinner," Red Arrow said.

"Someone better lend me a shirt," said Arsenal.

…

" _What_ are you smiling at?" hissed Arsenal, folding his arms across the too-big, blue t-shirt Ollie had lent him.

Ollie tipped his head to the side, looking back and forth from Red Arrow, dressed in his usual red hoodie, to Arsenal. "…You don't want to know."

"Then stop smirking at us!"

"Ok, fine," Ollie said, putting a spoonful of chili in his mouth.

The table was silent for a minute as Red Arrow and Arsenal put cheese in their chili in an attempt to cut the spiciness. Ollie looked at them again and snickered.

"What is so-"

"One Roy, two Roy, red Roy, blue Roy," chanted Ollie, before dissolving into laughter.

Arsenal looked down in disbelief. "You did this on purpose!"

"I didn't! But you two…ha!" Ollie was still laughing.

Arsenal growled and stood up, but Red Arrow grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back down.

"Wait, _Roy_."

Arsenal looked at him, fuming for a second, then his mouth twitched in a small smile and he sat down. "Good idea, _Roy_."

Red Arrow held up the cheese. "More cheddar, Roy?"

"Of course, Roy," said Arsenal, taking the cheese and sprinkling some into his bowl. "By the way, Roy, when do you think Dinah will be here?"

"Soon, probably, Roy."

Ollie eyed them suspiciously. "What are you two doing?"

Red Arrow took a sip of water. "Do you hear that, Roy? Ollie thinks we're up to something."

"Well that cuts deep, Roy. We're the best behaved dinner guests named Roy you could ever have."

"You hit it on the head, Roy."

Ollie frowned at them. "Red Arrow, Arsenal-"

"Someone's using our codenames, Roy."

"We're really not supposed to do that outside of hero work, Roy."

"That what Batman says, Roy."

"And as my good friend Roy says, we seek to emulate Batman in all things."

Dinah Lance walked in, sitting down next to Ollie. "Sorry I'm late, Ollie. Hello Roy-"

"Hi Dinah," both boys said in unison.

Arsenal took a bite of chili. "Dinah, you should ask Roy about the fire this afternoon."

Red Arrow shook his head. "No, ask Roy about it. After all, Roy got hurt."

"Yes, but Roy was the one who saved the kid."

"But Roy was the one who alerted Roy about the fire in the first place."

Dinah glared at Ollie. "What did you do?"

Ollie held his hands up. "What makes you think I did anything?"

"Because they are doing _that_."

Ollie looked over at the other side of the table.

"More salt, Roy?"

"Don't mind if I do, Roy."

"Hey Roy, you spilled some chili."

"Oh, thanks for pointing it out, Roy."

"Here, use my napkin, Roy."

"Thanks Roy."

"You're welcome, Roy."

"I-I don't know how to make them stop," said Ollie, a little helplessly.

Dinah cleared her throat. "Roy, what are you two doing?"

"Maybe she should ask Ollie, Roy."

"That's a good idea, Roy. Maybe he could tell her in verse."

Dinah raised her eyebrow at Ollie. "Verse?"

"Ok, so I made one little Dr. Seuss joke…"

"What joke?"

Red Arrow looked up. "One Roy."

"Two Roy," added Arsenal.

Red Arrow gestured at his shirt. "Red Roy."

"Blue Roy," finished Arsenal.

Red Arrow leaned toward Ollie. "Make another Dr. Seuss joke, ever, and I will shave my head, and you will never be sure who you are talking to ever again."

"…Ok."

Arsenal fist bumped Red Arrow under the table. "Good threat, Roy," he whispered.


	8. Not-toxicated

**Happy Thanksgiving everyone! this story isn't Thanksgiving themed, but if you want one that is, I wrote one called** _ **An Arkhan Thanksgiving**_ **. It's on my profile.**

 **~Heart**

"Boys, I'm going to need you to come with me," said an imposing looking police officer, setting a large hand on Bart Allen's shoulder.

"Um, ok. Did I do something wrong?" Bart asked, calming down from the slightly crazy mood he had been in while fooling around with his friend Jaime Reyes.

"We received a call from someone claiming to have seen two intoxicated minors hanging around a park. Young man," the officer nodded at a stunned Jaime, "I'm going to need you to come also."

"Intoxicated?" asked Bart.

"Drunk? We are not drunk! I can't go to jail! My mom will kill me!" Jaime said, panicking.

"Just get in the car, please," the officer said firmly, ushering them to the patrol car.

"This is your fault!" Jaime insisted. "If you hadn't told that girl you were from the future and on a secret team of superheroes, she wouldn't have run off yelling that we were insane!"

"I was just trying to prove that we didn't have to be so careful, no one would believe us even if we told them the truth!" Bart whispered back.

"Alright boys, inside with me, we'll have you take a breathalyzer and then call your parents," said the officer, leading them into the station.

"Maybe we got arrested because you were running around with your shirt off yelling 'I am vodka man!' at the top of your lungs, _hermano_ " Jaime mused as they waited in uncomfortable metal chairs.

"I was just imitating the scene I walked into at my cousin's house, with Sup- Conner. Heh. Who even knew he could get drunk?"

"Or maybe it was you trying to see if panting like a dog would cool you down."

"Hey, you tried it too!" Bart protested. "Jaime, the Garricks are away on some anniversary celebration cruise. Who am I gonna call?"

"You could call your cousin. Or you could probably come home with me. My mom won't mind, she loves you. Probably because you eat everything. Even that weird green spaghetti sauce."

Bart shrugged. "It wasn't that bad."

"Didn't you throw up?"

"Well everything tastes bad after it's mixed with stomach acid. But it wasn't so bad the first time it was in my mouth."

"Hello boys, can I have your full names?" asked a blonde female police officer, walking over with an official looking pad of paper.

"Jaime Reyes."

"Bar Torr- I mean, Bartholomew Allen."

Jaime looked at his friend. "Bar Torr?" he whisped.

"It's Bartholomew in the Reach language. It's what everyone called me, and where I got 'Bart' from."

"And Bartholomew? Bar Torr or Bartholomew. Huh. Who picked those?"

Bart sighed. "I'm named after a relative from my dad's side. Apparently, my mother wanted to name me after some uncle called Eobard, so compared to that Bartholomew isn't that bad. But my mom hated it, so she called me Bar Torr, and eventually the whole thing got shortened to just 'Bart'.

"Now I reeealy want to know what your middle name is, _ese_."

"Ok, I need you to breath into this breathalyzer to determine the level of alcohol in your body," The female officer instructed, handing them an apparatus that resembled a pocket calculator with a tube on the side. "After that, you can each use a phone to make a call to your parents to come over and pick you up."

…

Wally West walked quickly down the hall, trying to remember if he was supposed to turn in that paper today or tomorrow-

 _Buzz!_

Wally yelped as his phone vibrated in his pocket. "Hello?"

"Hey Wally….."

"Bart? I'm at school! Call someone else!"

"No _don't hang up!"_ his cousin shrieked over the phone. "I only get one phone call!"

Wally slowly put the phone back to his ear. "Bart."

"Yeah?"

"If what I think is happening is happening, it better not be."

"Well…JaimeandImayhavegottenarrestedbecausesomeonecalledthepoliceandsaidwewereactingintoxicated," Bart said nervously.

"Bart!"

"Hey, we aren't! They made us breath into this thingy that confirmed it but they aren't gonna let us go unless an adult come to get us, and the Garricks are away so please Wally?"

"I can hear you doing puppy dog eyes, Bart."

"But are they working?"

Wally sighed. "I can't come get you; I'm supposed to be in class! But I will run my phone over to Uncle Barry's, and maybe he can. That work?"

"Yes! Thanks Wally!"

Wally tucked the phone into his pocket, looked around to ensure no one would see him leaving at superspeed, and then made a beeline for his uncle's house. He skidded to a stop in the living room, surprising his aunt and uncle where they were watching TV.

"Wally! It's good to-"

"I have to get back to school, here take this!" Wally said, dropping the phone into his uncle's hands and leaving as speedily as he came.

Barry put the phone to his ear. "Um, hello?"

"Hey Gramps!"

"Who is it?" Iris asked.

"It's Bart. Bart, why did Wally give me his phone?"

"Yeah, funny story, but the ending is that Wally was too busy to come get me out of jail."

" _Jail?_ What did you do?" Barry asked, shocked.

"Nothing! Someone called the police on me and Jaime because they thought we were drunk. Can you please come get me?"

Barry rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, I'll be right there, kid," he said, then hung up.

…

Bart put the phone back in its cradle and sat back over by Jaime. "Grandpa's coming to get me."

Jaime nodded. "My mom's not happy, but I think she's glad we weren't actually intoxicated."

Bart spread his arms out. "I'm glad we weren't intoxicated! I got nervous when we had to breathe into that thing…."

"Bart, I'm willing to bet you've never tasted alcohol in your life! What, you were scared that someone snuck some into your Gatorade?"

"It could happen," Bart said.

Jaime shook his head. "No, no it can't, Bart."

"You are talking to a person from the future and you have an alien bug on your back that gives you armor. Anything can happen!"

"Bart!" Barry Allen waved at his grandson, and Jaime's mother did the same.

"Finally! I'm so glad we get to leave this place!" Jaime said, standing up and stretching.

Bart punched him in the arm. "Dude, why are you acting like this is our first time here?"

Jaime pushed him lightly. "Don't mention that in front of my Mom, _hermano_!"


	9. He's Baack!

Jaime Reyes leaned over and whispered deliberately in Bart's ear. "What did you do, _hermano_?"

"I didn't do anything! I think…"

"I'm sure why you are wondering why I've gathered the entire team here today," said Nightwing, pacing back and forth in front of the group of teenagers he has assembled. "The reason is... there is someone back, and we think it best if you are prepared for an encounter with him."

The door was thrown open suddenly, and Tim ran through. "Someone help! Aaahhh!"

There was the sound of a scuffle outside, and then a person wearing a red helmet ran in after Tim, with Batman hot on his heels. "Jason, get back here!"

"Stop following me! I promise to only un-alive him a little bit!" argued the undead Robin.

Nightwing made a grab at him as he ran past "No! No un-aliving family members! Or non-family members!"

"Aw, come on, it's like a tradition now," said Red Hood. "I died, he can die… Die, wuss!"

"I don't want to die!"

"I'll make it quick! Ish!"

The whole Bat family chased each other out of the cave.

"That was strange…. And I don't feel at all prepared," said Bart. "But I'm just glad Nightwing wasn't confronting us on what happened to his Wingdings." Gar nodded his agreement.

" _Hey! Where are all my Wingdings?"_ Nightwing yelled from outside.

"Scatter! He can't catch us all!" yelled Arsenal.

Jaime shook his head. "I didn't see anything… nothing at all."

 **My point with this is that Jason Todd, the second Robin is really cool, and he will be making occasional appearances in my story. So consider this happening after an** **Under the Red Hood** **like event.**

 **~ Unassailable Heart**


	10. Reincarnation and Hair Gel

Artemis Crock opened her school bag, searching around for her hair gel and makeup, to freshen up after gym. Her gel was almost empty. Again.

"Oh for heaven's sake! I swear I'm not using enough of it to empty it this fast!" she complained.

"I saw that Wayne kid near your bag," said a schoolmate.

"That weirdo? This calls for a confrontation," said Artemis, zipping her bag and looking around for the supposed hair gel thief. He was over in a corner, combing his hair. Artemis strode over, stopping in front of him. "Ok, what were you doing in my bag, Wayne? Have you been taking my gel?"

He stood up, straightening his shirt. "It's Grayson, actually. Bruce Wayne is my guardian."

"Not the point! Answer the question, short stuff."

"… I may have _borrowed_ your gel once or twice," he admitted.

"What? Who in earth does that?" she asked, exasperated.

"Well… I feel like, maybe in another life, you and I were…. in the army together," Dick Grayson said.

"What?"

He nodded, enthusiastically. "Yeah! Reincarnated army buddies! And I felt, as we used to be friends, it would be ok to use your gel. And maybe you've lent me gel before, in the army. Because we're, like, symbiosi."

"Symbiosi?" Artemis repeated, confused.

"It means together, in Atlantean! I'm sure you've, like, saved my life in a past life. So I owe you a great debt!"

Artemis took a step back. "Um…"

Dick Grayson spread is arms congenially. "So to pay that life debt, I, Richard Grayson, will do my best to get you on the mathletes!" he beamed at her.

"Oh, um, no, that's ok, I'm… really good," she said, trying to worm her way out of the conversation.

"No, it's the least I can do after all you did for me, way back then, when we were soldiers together," he said.

"Oh, well that's- oh wait, I think hear someone calling me."

Dick tipped his head. "I don't hear anything."

"I definitely hear someone, I'd better go. Bye!" Artemis ran off as quickly as she could.

Dick watched her leave the room, then shook his head. "If she can't deal with that bit of weirdness, how's she gonna act when she finds out Wally likes her?"


	11. Scavenger Rights

**Hehe, "Scavenger Rights".**

 **~Heart**

Axel Walker, the Trickster, stared at the red and white clad boy in front of him. "Who are you?"

The boy spread his hands. "I'm Impulse! Who are you?"

"I'm the Trickster. Why are you in this warehouse?" Axel asked.

Impulse just shrugged. "I was just taking a run. What all this stuff?"

Axel pointed. " _This_ is three hundred boxes of Twizzlers! All alone, all abandoned…"

"That's sad. Soo…no one is gonna notice if they're missing?" Impulse said, slowly.

Axel grinned. "Nope, and it'd be a pity to just leave them here. Halfsies?"

"Yeah, ok."

…

Wally watched out his back window, confused. His cousin, for the past minute had been running boxes into his backyard. Wally had considered stopping him, but it would probably be easier to get his attention when he was done.

After another minute, Bart had a pile of boxes as tall as he was, and Wally walked outside. "Bart, what are these?"

"Twizzlers!" Bart said, patting the boxes.

Wally rolled his eyes. "I can see that, but why are they in my backyard?"

"They didn't all fit into my bedroom, so can I keep them here?" Bart asked.

"…Where did you get these Twizzlers?" Wally asked, suspicious.

"From a warehouse," answered his cousin.

"Bart! You can't steal these! And you can't keep them in my yard, they'll get rained on!" Wally said.

Bart looked up. "Do you think it's gonna rain? Maybe I should get a tarp, and-"

"Were you listening? You stole these, Bart."

"I scavenged them. And they were just sitting there…." Bart excused.

Wally pulled out his phone. "I'm calling your Grandpa. He's is going to explain commerce to you."

"What's commerce?"

…

Barry Allen had received some strange phone calls in his time as the Flash. Batman had called once, wanting Barry to break him out of a prison in a secret city in the middle of a desert. Not to mention the phone call about a kid claiming to be his grandson. But this call from his nephew, saying that Bart had accidently stolen one hundred boxes of candy, was the weirdest one this month. He slowed to a stop in Wally's backyard, raising his eyebrows at the large pile of Twizzler boxes. "What on earth?"

"Well what's the point of just leaving all that stuff there?" Bart asked his cousin, apparently continuing an argument they were having.

"It's for stores, Bart! You can't just take it!"

"Well then why wasn't it in the stores?"

Wally turned to Barry and pointed at Bart. "This is yours. Fix this!"

Barry nodded. "Ok. Bart, why did you think you could take one hundred-"

"One hundred and fifty."

"-One hundred and fifty boxes of Twizzlers?"

"They were just sitting there. No one was using them or anything. So I scavenged half," Bart explained.

"Half?" Barry asked.

"Yeah, this guy called Trickster got the other half."

Wally dropped his head into his hands with a groan.

Barry cleared his throat. "Um, Bart, the Trickster is a villain. Taking half of whatever he's taking is illegal. The Twizzlers were in the warehouse until there was room for them in a store, so you technically stole them."

"…Oh. Whoops." Bart said, sheepishly, rubbing his nose.

Barry put his hand on his grandsons shoulder. "Ok, let's put these back and find the Trickster. Then you're grounded."

"What? Why?" protested Bart.

"For stealing. Heroes don't steal," said Barry.

"I didn't think I was stealing, I was just scavenging!" Bart pouted.

Wally took a step forwards. "Maybe you should cut him some slack. Growing up in a post-apocalyptic future run by supervillains couldn't have been good for his morals."

Barry considered this. "Ok, just this once. But no more scavenging food, unless it's from your own refrigerator."

Bart shifted from foot to foot. "So no taking food from other peoples bags and lockers and fridges and stuff?"

Barry narrowed his eyes. "Have you done that?"

"Nooo…."

"Did you learn how to lie in the future, too?" Wally asked.

Bart grinned.

…

 **What? The kid seems totally fine with stealing and then using the whole scavenger rights thing as an excuse. There was bound to be some problems at some point. Also, he's a pretty good liar. Actually he slips up a few time, but he recovers.**

 **~Heart**


	12. Trapped

"Oh man, this bites," groaned Red Hood.

"Relax, Batman will be here soon, and he can find us," said Robin.

"'Cause that'll be fantastic. Just what I need."

"Both of you stop!" said Nightwing. "We're going to be down here for a while, so let's not argue. And Robin, hand over the flash drive. I need it."

"Batman needs it too," argued Robin. "But I don't have it. I thought you did."

"No I- Hood, hand it over," said Nightwing, crossing his arms.

"I don't have it; I thought the other one did."

"I don't have it! I dropped it!" protested Robin.

"Well someone here is lying," said Nightwing. He and Robin raised their eyebrows at Red Hood.

"Hey! I resent that! I say we search Robin," said Red Hood. "Let's start with the outer underpants."

"First off, those went out of style after Dick's first year. And second, I would know where the flash drive is if someone hadn't blown up a building and trapped us in the basement!"

"Well I expected to be gone by the time the bombs went off. Not my fault you guys had to be all 'stop being evil! Just let us love you! No? Ok, we'll kill him then!' I mean sheesh, pick an attitude!" Red Hood said.

Nightwing sighed. "Jay, we weren't trying to kill you, we were just trying to stop you from getting away with the flash drive. I need it to take down a street gang in Bludhaven."

"And I need it to stop a newly formed gang in Gotham," said Robin.

"Well I need it to take out Black Mask!" said Red Hood. "And what happened to no names in the field?"

"No one is here; we're trapped in a basement with the rubble of an entire building on top of us. I will call you two whatever I want!" said Nightwing exasperatedly.

"Fine. I'm gonna call you-"

"Am I old enough to hear what you're about to say?" asked Robin.

Red Hood grabbed his shoulders and then measured Robin against his chest. "You're like, only _so_ high… Probably not. You're what, twelve?"

"No!"

"Well, I never claimed to be the world's greatest detective. Or the second greatest."

"I'm fifteen. Now give me the flashdrive."

"Make me."

"We'll this has been real mature, but I think I hear someone digging," said Nightwing, pointing up.

"Great! All I have to do is kill you both and search your bodies for the flash drive, then make my escape," said Red Hood, rubbing his hands together.

"But then you'd have an angry Batman do deal with," said Robin.

"He has some batarangs and a no kill rule; I have angst and some guns. I can take him."

"How about you give us the flash drive, and we'll convince Batman to let you go," suggested Nightwing.

"I don't have it!"

"You have to have it!"

"Well I'm glad you have such faith in me, but I don't have it, kid."

"Robin, are you sure you don't-"

"I'm not a liar!"

"Being a superhero kinda makes you one. Secret ID and all."

"You're not a hero, but you're still a liar."

"Tim! Cut it out! Whoever has the flash drive, just own up!"

"Hey, I am so not a liar, if I was, I wouldn't tell you that I thought you were a pansy. And I don't have your stupid-"

"Ahem."

Nightwing, Robin, and Red Hood turned to find Batman standing behind them, a hole having been dug in the rubble with a backhoe. "Looking for this?" he held up the flash drive.

Robin stepped forwards. "How did you?"

"What is this, the Bat-hoe?"asked Red Hood

"No, it's a rental. The Bat-hoe is at the mansion."

"Phfft. What do you guys have one of those for?"

Everyone else was suddenly occupied with looking at the ground.

"Guys? Now I'm curious."

"I…needed one to do some digging."

"Well you got all weird when I asked, so this digging was probably connected to me…. What, where you digging up my coffin to check if I was a bona fide zombie or just a clone like Arsenal?"

"…"

"I knew it," said Red Hood."Well, this was fun. Let's not ever do it again."

"Well, repeating oneself does get boring," said Nightwing. "Hey, why don't you come to dinner?"

"Nah, I kinda promised Arsenal I'd help him out with a family thing."

Batman stepped forwards. "If you ever need anything, we'll be here."

"Like some new weapons or for you to pay for something that got broken?"

"I'm not paying for everything you break; I'm a billionaire, not a trillionaire. I'd be bankrupt within the month."

"So what I'm hearing is occasionally." Red Hood said, shooting a grapple and swinging away.

"Have fun with that, Batman," said Nightwing, "I'll see you at the cave, Robin."

Batman hit a button on his gauntlet, and the Batmobile rolled up. "Let's go."

"Can I drive?"

"No."


	13. AFD Arrival of the Outlaws

"No," Oliver Queen said flatly.

Arsenal crossed his arms. "Why not? My clone got to bring guests."

"Roy brought his wife and child. Unless there is something _very strange_ you want to tell me, they cannot stay!"

"I came, without you drugging me or tying me up or anything! Just let them stay. They won't be any trouble," Arsenal promised.

 _Crash!_

"Batman will pay for that!" Red Hood said, pointing at the Ming vase shattered on the floor.

"Oh, it made the most beautiful noise!" Starfire squealed, clasping her hands. "Let us do it again!"

"No!" shrieked Ollie, snatching the other vase out of her hands. "That costs more than all of you combined!"

"Feeling the love, Ollie," said Arsenal.

"So. Are we having meat for dinner?" asked Red Hood.

"It's going to be a long night, isn't it?" moaned Ollie.

…

"May we eat _now_?" asked Starfire.

"Not yet, we're waiting until Roy gets here," replied Dinah Lance, the Black Canary.

Ollie was staring at his helmeted dinner guest. "So, Red X-"

"Red Hood."

"Whatever. How are you gonna eat with that bucket on your head?"

"I'm not. I'll take it off when it is time to eat," Red Hood explained.

"What about your secret ID?" Arsenal asked.

"I'm wearing my backup mask under the helmet," said Red Hood.

"The green one you wear to bed in case someone climbs through your window again?" Starfire asked.

"That's the one!"

"Who climbed through your window? Dinah asked.

"So I reversed the apartment numbers and got trounced by a weirdo in a mask," said Arsenal. "But you have to admit, after all the confusion and fighting and stitching of cuts and negotiating over how we should split fees, we make a great team!"

"You know people call you the 'Outlaws', right?" Ollie asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" growled Red Hood, toying with his butter knife.

"How did Starfire join your team?" asked Dinah, trying to ease people's tempers.

"Uhh, how did she, Red Hood?" asked Arsenal, tipping his head up.

"I…don't remember. She was just-there one day," said Red Hood.

"Yeah, she was in the kitchen making her weird alien food," Arsenal said.

"Zorka berry pancakes!" said Starfire.

"Yes. Those," Red Hood shuddered.

"Hey, everyone! Hope you didn't start eating without me," said Red Arrow. "Oh. Guests."

"Oh, we didn't start eating. Nope, not at all. What does it matter that you were thirty minutes late, or that this is my first meal of the day. Wait, yes it does. You delayed my meal, and I'm very hun-"

Red Hood's tirade was cut off as Arsenal grabbed his shoulder and jerked him back into his seat.

"Um, who are you?" Red Arrow asked.

"This is Red Hood and Starfire. They're staying with me," Arsenal explained.

"Yes, Roy has given me a room in his house, and we do the super heroing together," added Starfire.

"Ok…"

"Meat," said Red Hood.

"I think we should eat now," said Dinah.

Red Hood and Arsenal lunged at Starfire, each grabbing an arm to prevent her from tackling the food. "We must hurry, or it will be all gone!" she yelled.

"Calm down! There will be portions!"

Starfire sat down. "Oh…"

Everyone loaded their plates with a steak and potatoes and carrots. Except for Red Hood, who took two steaks, and no vegetables.

"How's Lian, Roy?" asked Dinah, cutting her steak.

"Is that your go-to question?" asked Arsenal. "Why don't you ever ask about my life?"

"She likes your clone better," said Red Hood, removing his helmet to reveal black hair and a face mostly hidden by a green eye mask.

"If we weren't friends…" growled Arsenal.

"She's fine, a little cranky because she's cutting teeth," said Red Arrow.

"I prefer to cut flesh," said Red Hood, stabbing his steak.

"That's not as creepy as it sounds, right?" Ollie asked Arsenal.

"No, it's exactly as creepy as it sounds," said Arsenal.

" _You're_ as creepy as you sound," snorted Red Hood.

"Why you have a similar name as Red Hood?" Starfire asked of Red Arrow.

"Um, I think because we both wear red? I mean, Red Arrow isn't my real name, that's Roy."

"What's your real name, Red Hood?" asked Dinah.

Red Hood leaned forwards. "Well I don't usually tell on the first date, but for you I'll make an exception. Ow!"

Arsenal set the Red Hood Helmet back on the floor, satisfied.

Ollie was not. "Now listen here, you little-"

"Wait, the only other time I've heard those exact words was at my first meeting with Batman's second Robin!" said Dinah, holding up a hand to silence her boyfriend.

"Phht, Robin? Who's that? I heard the second one was awesome, not like his wussy replacement," Red Hood said.

Arsenal put his head in his hands.

"It is you!" said Dinah, sitting down. "How are you still alive?"

"It's a long story. I'm sure you'll hear it someday. It involves magic water and lots of screaming."

"Ok… why so much screaming?" asked Ollie, feeling the last vestiges of his sanity slip away with this latest development.

"Because they brought me back to life, idiot, and it reeeealy hurts!"

"Who is 'they'?" asked Starfire.

"Another long story. Hey, are you gonna eat that?" Red Hood reached over, grabbed Red Arrow's steak off his plate and commenced eating.

"…Help yourself."

"Does Batman know you're still alive?" Dinah asked.

"No. Tell him and they will never find your body."

Ollie slammed his hands on the table, causing everyone to jump. "That's it! Out! All of you Outlaws! Out of my house!" he grabbed Arsenal and Red Hood by their collars and pushed them out of the dining room towards the front door. Starfire followed, pausing a moment by Dinah.

"Thank you for letting me have the dinner with you. I do not know many earth females that like me," she said sweetly.

"Oh…well it was wonderful having you. Uh, come again next time," she invited before thinking.

"Oh I shall!" Starfire said, and flew out the door.

"Dinah? Did you just…. Invite them back?" Red Arrow asked.

Dinah put her head in her hands. "I don't know what came over me!"

Red Arrow patted her shoulder. "Temporary insanity. Happens to the best of us." They listened for a minutes to the sound of Ollie yelling insults at Red Hood, and Red Hood giving as good as he got. "But let's not tell Ollie they'll be back."

"Agreed," said Dinah.

 **Any ideas for more Arrow Family Dinner chapter would be greatly appreciated. This is it. My last chapter like this.**

 **~Unassailable Heart**


	14. Nutella Lightning

Kid Flash, aka Wally West, was ransacking the kitchen cabinets of his uncle's house.

"It was nice of your aunt and uncle to let us hang here," Dick Grayson said, shutting all the cabinet doors Wally had left open.

"Yeah, usual rules apply, no fighting crime without adult supervision, no using the stove, no touching stuff in Uncle Barry's lab, and no eating everything," Wally said, shutting the last cabinet with a sigh.

"No using the stove? That wasn't a rule last time I was here," Dick said.

Wally rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah… they've had to get a new stove since that last time you were here, too."

Dick rolled his eyes. "What are you looking for, anyways?"

"The Nutella! It should be here!"

Dick walked over to the fridge, opened it, grabbed the jar of Nutella and the bread and tossed them to Wally.

"Oh, thanks man," said Wally, opening the jar. "Aw, this stuff solidified in the fridge," he put it in the microwave and set the timer for a minute.

"So, about the stove…" Dick prompted.

Wally glared at him. "It's the thought that counts, ok? I was trying to make dinner. "

"What were you making?"

"Well, as it turns out, you're not actually supposed to put a pressure cooker in the stove. It will-"

 _Fizz pop!_

The sound distracted both boys, jerking their attention to the microwave. There was a sharp crackle, and blue lightning flashed from the Nutella.

"Dick? Whats up with the Nutella?"

"Why are you asking me? You're the science nerd!"

 _Pop!_

Another spark fizzed from the Nutella.

"Wally! Get it out!" Dick yelled.

Wally ran over to the microwave and pulled the door open. "I don't want to touch it. Why was it sparking?"

Dick reached into the microwave and gingerly pulled the jar out. "It looks ok… just a bit singed on top."

"But _why_ was it _sparking_?" Wally asked.

"I don't know!" Dick replied, turning the jar to read the label. "Ingredients…. Nothing there. Suggested serving size… calories… wait. Wally, read this," Dick said, pointing to two lines near the bottom of the label.

"Do not refrigerate. Do not microwave."

Dick cackled. "You fail."

Wally grabbed the jar from him. "It's still edible."

"Next time, just read the label to make sure your food doesn't make blue lightning."

"You're joking, right? Attracting lightning is all we do in this family," Wally said.

 **True story, people. My brother and I took Nutella from the fridge and put it in the microwave. And after several panicked seconds, found that warning on the label. I still have no idea why it sparked. ~Unassailable Heart**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey! a few notes, first off,**

 **Thanks to everyone who gave me ideas for more Arrow family dinner chapters, I'm writing one right now, I promise!**

 **Also, in case anyone is interested, I'm working on a Batman parody of the Disney movie Tangled. There will be no slash, and Damian Wayne will be cast in the past of Rapunzel.**

 **Last thing. When I posted the chapter Reincarnation and Hair Gel, a Guest star left several very nice reviews, thank you very much. However, one of them ended ;like this:** Thank you, troll child. Thank you for considering plausible reactions, and trying to get Artemis used to weird things so that she can one day accept Wally liking her. Such a noble troll child.

 **And guess what my brothers new nickname for me is?**

 **That's right, Troll Child.**

 ***Sigh...***

 **~Heart**

Robin narrowed his eyes, staring at the table. Then, he very carefully raised his hand, paused for a second, then brought it down hard.

 _Thwak!_

"Ha-ha! Succe-" Robin's eyes opened wide, and he scowled. "No! Wally!"

Kid Flash sped over. "Dude, what's up?"

Robin pointed at the air between them. "I missed!"

Wally nodded. "Oh, I got this." He watched for a minute, then, quick as a flash, clapped his hands together hard. "One dead fly!"

"Thanks. That thing would not leave my sandwich alone!" Robin said gratefully.

"Anytime!"

 **Five Years Later**

Nightwing waved his hand in front of his face, swatting at the distraction. "Stupid insect!"

"Oooh, look at it!" said Bart, speeding around the room to watch the fly.

"Flies are very useful you know," said Tim. "They help spread pollen."

"Flower powder?" asked Bart, dropping to one knee to watch the fly crawl around on the floor.

"Sure, flower powder."

The fly took off again, making straight for Nightwing's face. "Ack! Can somebody-"

 _Gulp_

The Batboys froze in astonishment as Bart simply resumed his previous activity of watching TV with Tim, after having eaten the fly.

"Bart, you just…." Nightwing trailed off, unable to finish that sentence. "Things got weird with Wally, but never this weird. We had at least some semblance of sanity…"

"Pure protein," said Tim, flipping the channel.

"Tim, please tell me you have never eaten bugs," said his brother, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It was an extreme survival situation," defended Tim.

"Bugs are a lot bigger in the future. More filling," said Bart. "Also, there are a whole lot less of them. Except in the junkyard," he shivered.

"What's the junkyard?" asked Tim.

"Um, can't tell you."

"Wait, why did you think I would eat bugs, unless forced to?" Tim asked Nightwing suddenly.

"I don't know, I found Jason in the garden eating dragonflies and pill bugs once," Nightwing said, tapping at the computer. "Looked like he was having fun…"

"The guy I took as my hero and role model? Note to self, rethink life."

Wally West walked into the room. "Found my hoodie. Ready to go, Bart?"

"Yep!" said Bart, bouncing up off the couch.

"Don't bother feeding him lunch, he ate a fly a few minutes ago," Nightwing said.

"He what?"

"He. Ate. A. Bug."

Wally looked at his cousin. "Why are you doing this? Can't you just catch the bug?"

Bart retuned the look with an eye roll. "I did! I had to catch it to eat it. I'm not just gonna lick it off the floor, people's shoes have been there. That's gross."

"Bart?"

"Yes Wally?"

"You're special, kid."

"So people keep telling me," said Bart.


	16. First Thing in the Morning

**This happened because Jaime specifies what 'first thing in the morning' is to Bart at one point. I thought maybe there had been previous misunderstandings.**

 **~Unassailable Heart**

Jaime Reyes slumbered peacefully, the floor tinged with late night moonlight coming in through the window. All was quiet and still.

"Hey Jaime."

Jaime's eyes popped open, and he cautiously rolled over, only to be confronted with a dark figure standing by the edge of his bed.

"Aiiiee!"

The figure stumbled back, surprised by Jaime's scream, and Jaime was out of bed and armored up in seconds.

"Dude, don't shoot!" yelled a panicked but familiar voice. Jaime retracted his sonic gun.

"Bart? Why are you in my house?"

"You left the back door unlocked."

Jaime sat down on his bed, dropping his head into his hands. "Who tries the back door? And why are you here in the middle of the night?"

Bart shrugged in the darkness. "It's four thirty in the morning already."

Jaime lifted his head up. "Bart, I told you to come by first thing in the morning," he began.

"Yep."

"And you came by at four thirty."

"Yep."

"First thing in the morning for me is like, ten!"

"…..Oh. Well, be more specific next time-oof!" Bart was cut off as something hit him in the face.

Jaime grabbed a blanket and threw that at his friend too. "Pillow, blanket, floor, sleep. And we will _not_ be continuing this conversation in the morning, _hermano_ ; we are going to pretend this never happened. Every time you come over, weird things happen that only are normal to you, it's like I step into some weird alternate dimension!"

"Um, aren't your parents going to wonder why you suddenly have someone over?" Bart asked, stretching out on the floor.

Jaime lay back in his bed. "Nah, all sorts of weird things happen when you're a superhero. Oh, and the fact that I might turn into a supervillain, probably isn't the best breakfast conversation."

"I get breakfast?"

"Don't make me throw another pillow at you."

"Well actually, your floor is a little hard, so another pillow might- oof!" a second pillow hit Bart in the face.

"Seriously, go to sleep. And never wake me up this early again."

"Ok."


	17. Young just-all-us,aka the crossover one!

"Let me see!" insisted Bart Allen, aka Impulse, pushing (at least attempting to) Superboy out of the way.

"In a second, let Robin finish!" growled Superboy, returning the push and sending Impulse sprawling.

"It looks like some sort of… travel device," mused Robin. "I don't know how it's powered though, or how to even turn it on."

"Well what does this switch do?" asked Impulse, flipping it.

"No, you little idiot don't-"

 _ **Zap!**_

"-touch that!" finished Superboy.

"Ow, my head," said Robin, rubbing at his spiky hair.

"All it did was clean up the cave," said Impulse, disappointed. "Aw man, my portraits are gone!"

"Ok, that could have been worse," said Robin. "Let's just put the device away and- look out!" Robin twisted out of the way of an assailant that dropped down on him from the ceiling. "We're under attack from-"

"Robin," said Impulse.

"Impulse?" asked Impulse.

"Tim?" asked Superboy.

"What are you wearing?" asked Superboy.

"I'm so confused," said Robin.

Robin nodded.

…..

Tim had been having a fairly normal day. He'd been hanging at the cave with Bart, and Conner had shown up, and a mega sparing match had ensued, until a large flash happened in the main room, and he had gone to investigate. The flash had apparently brought three intruders into the cave. The problem? The intruders looked very much like them. With one big exception…

"Your hair…" said Bart.

Impulse cocked his head to the side. "My hair? It's pretty cool, right?"

Superboy snorted.

"Who are you?" asked Tim.

"I'm Robin," said Robin. He gestured at his companions. "This is Young Justice."

"How are you Robin?" asked Superboy. "That's Robin!"

Tim smiled slightly. "Alternate dimension?"

Robin nodded. "Totally. That device Impulse messed with didn't clean the cave-"

"Then how do you explain the lack of dust and spray paint?" demanded Impulse.

"This is an alternate dimension. These are alternate 'us'es!" said Tim.

Superboy looked Conner up and down. "Well obviously they didn't pour quite as much style into your test tube…."

"What?" growled Conner. "You seriously want to talk about clothing choices?"

"Just lemme touch it!" pleaded Bart, making a grab at Impulse's hair.

"No, stop it!" said Impulse, pushing Bart's hands away.

"Gosh Impulse, it must be so annoying when people just randomly grab stuff," said Robin.

"How does his hair do that? It's almost gravity defying," said Tim.

"Oh, I don't know. Future stuff," said Robin.

"I have my mom's hair!" yelled Impulse as he ran past, followed by Bart.

"Robin, your hair in this universe sucks," complained Superboy.

"You came to an alternate universe and all you want to talk about is hair?" said Conner, raising his eyebrows.

"We could compare backstories," offered Robin.

"Or feet," added Impulse. "Ha, look at your tiny little baby feet!"

"I don't have tiny feet, you have humongous feet!" Bart said defensively.

"They can go last," decided Tim. "Ok, well our team was founded by the first Robin, Superboy here, Aqualad, and Kid Flash-"

"I'm Impulse!" shrieked Impulse.

Tim furrowed his brow. "Ok? Anyways, Kid Flash-"

"Impulse!" insisted Impulse.

"Um, I think this team may have been founded by your cousin, Imp," said Robin.

"It was," verified Bart.

Impulse sat cross legged on the floor and pouted.

"Anyways, our team's been around for about five years, and Impulse is actually the most recent addition."

"At least I was still a founding member," Superboy said to Impulse. Impulse stuck his tongue out at him.

"Cool," said Robin. "Well all just sort of spontaneously started our team and we've only been around for- how long?"

Impulse shrugged. "Time doesn't really make sense."

"Anyway, we're a pretty good team. I'm the tech and ninja guy, Imp is the speedster-"

"And I have my tactile telekinesis!" finished Superboy.

"Your what?" asked Conner.

"My tactile telekinesis! You know, our most awesome power?"

"I don't have that," said Conner.

Superboy gasped and drew back. "What are you? He whispered.

"So are mentors as much of a pain in this universe?" asked Impulse. "Cause Max is always on my back about balancing school and the team-"

"Who's Max? Justletmetouchit," asked Bart.

"My mentor, duh. Noleavemyhairalone!" said Impulse.

"My mentor is the Flash. CanIseeyourgogglesthey'redifferantthanmine."

"Well my Flash is kinda annoying. DonttouchmyfaceIdontlikeitwhenpeopletouchmyface!"

"Maybe you- OhmygoshyoureyesareGOLD!" shrieked Bart.

"Yeah? So?" Impulse asked, making a grab for his mask as Bart pulled it out of reach.

"Your universe is weird!"

"Ours is weird? You all have no style and you get ordered around like a bunch or sidekicks!" said Superboy.

"Why do you get gold eyes and I don't?" complained Bart.

"Well since it's an alternate universe there will be significant differences," said Tim.

"How do we make then go back to their universe?" asked Conner.

"We could just tell Impulse _not_ to touch dangerous stuff and see what happens," suggested Superboy.

"Hey!"

"That's a bad idea," said Robin. "And you know Impulse can't totally help himself, it's that video game mindset."

Superboy elbowed Conner. "Yeah, I bet you guys have just as much fun hanging around with a two year old as we do."

"You're two?" Bart asked Impulse.

"Phht, no, that would be ridiculous. I'm three now," said Impulse.

"You're two?" Tim said, pressing a hand to his forehead. "Oh my gosh, we let a two year old fight supervillains!"

"I'm not two!" protested Bart.

"Neither am I!" added Impulse.

"Shh, I'm watching this," said Superboy, pushing Impulse.

"How are you two?" Robin asked Impulse.

"Rapid aging. It was fixed after I got to the past. And I'm three," said Impulse.

"Your universe really is weird," said Tim.

"I'm hungry. Can we go back now? Max is going to be seriously on my case if I miss school," said Impulse.

"We really should get back," said Robin.

"Yeah, the world can only take so much Superboy," said Superboy with a flick of his hair.

Conner rolled his eyes.

Robin stood up and looked around "Now, we need to find-"

"This?" said Impulse, holding up the device that had brought them there.

"Where did you- never mind. Alright, it was nice to meet you all-"

"Mutual," said Tim.

"Just once?" Bart begged.

"Fiiiiiine, said Impulse, letting Bart reach out and grab a lock of hair, Bart pulled, and as soon as he let go it sprang back into the gravity defying style that practically floated around the speedsters head.

"Kewl, right?" said Impulse proudly.

Bart nodded "So crash!"

Superboy put an arm around Conner, ignoring the glare he was given. "Well, it was great meeting another me, even though you obviously are a little style and power impaired."

Conner rolled his eyes again and shrugged away.

"Alright, you all better back away," ordered Robin. "Impulse, flip the switch."

"Ok!"

 _ **Zap!**_

"Are we back?" asked Superboy. "We must be back, I feel nauseous."

"We are back!" said Impulse, tossing the device over his shoulder.

Robin winced as it hit the ground. "Yep, definitely back.

"There's no place like home," Impulse said, staring affectionately at the faces spray-painted on the ceiling.

…..

"Well that was weird," said Tim.

"I don't have gold eyes," muttered Bart walking off.

"Let's keep this between ourselves," said Conner.

Tim looked at him quizzically. "Why?"

"I don't want it getting out that there's another me that actually enjoys wearing a monkey suit."

Tim rolled his eyes behind his mask.


	18. Blue Vally Flash Fan Club

**I'm back! thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and followed while I took a little break, especially those who asked when I was going to start writing again. Enjoy this, because I only have a few more chapters to post in this story. But don't worry, I have lots of other stuff that will be posted as soon as this is over.**

 **~Heart**

Ten year old Wally West sat in the arm chair in the empty house of his uncle ("Running to the store, stay here and don't touch anything in my lab."). He cleared his throat and began. "I, Wallace Rudolph West call the 73rd bi-weekly meeting of the Blue Valley Flash Fan Club to order. First, the secretary will read the minutes from last meeting."

Wally got up and sat in the rocking chair, picking up a pad of paper lying there. "Last meeting ran for fifteen minutes. No new members joined, and it was agreed to meet once a week at the Allen residence. That is all."

Wally moved back into the arm chair. "Thank you mister secretary. Now, the report from our treasurer."

Wally got up and moved to one end of the couch, and dug some coins out of his pocket. "Our funds are… one dollar and sixteen cents. Enough for a candy bar, sweet!"

Wally sat back in the arm chair. "Thank you, treasurer. I'm sure that is a very worthy use of the club funds. Entertainment committee, any news?"

Wally got up and sat on the other end of the couch. "Mom taped the news footage of the Flash's battle with Captain Boomerang yesterday, and it will be watched tonight."

Wally sat in the arm chair again. "Thank you, entertainment committee. Is there-"

"Wally?"Barry Allen stared at his nephew. "What are you doing?"

Wally looked at him slightly guiltily for a moment, and then shrugged. "We have a guest speaker, my Uncle Barry, at this meeting of the Blue Valley Flash Fan Club. Round of applause please." Wally clapped; then stared expectantly at his uncle.

"Wally…Maybe you should take up a sport or something."

Wally nodded "Excellent point, Secretary, write that down!"

Wally got up and sat in the rocking chair, scribbling on the pad of paper. "Noted. Suggest it be discussed at the next meeting."

Wally sat back the arm chair. "Agreed. Now let's- Hey! Leggo!"

Barry scooped up his nephew over his shoulder and carried him out of the house. "We are going for ice cream. But just Wally. Not the whole club."

"But I am the club, and since there are four positions, I should get four scoops, right?"

"No. One scoop, and… I'll join your club," Barry said.

"Really? Cool! But are you a big enough fan of the Flash?" Wally asked.

Barry grinned at him. "I don't know, why don't you look at my credentials?"he said, handing Wally a crumpled piece of paper.

"Uncle Barry, this is just a napkin signed by- THE FLASH!?"

"Yeah, saw him on my way home from lunch a few days ago and told him there was a fan club that would really love his autograph. So am I in?" Barry asked his awestruck nephew.

"What? Oh, yeah! I'll instate you at the next meeting! You need to come at least on a week," Wally said.

"Well, since one of the meetings is being held at my house, I think I can work that," Barry agreed.

"Wait, you heard that? Um, how long were you listening?"

Barry patted his nephew on the back. "Long enough Kid, long enough."


	19. Not gonna make it

**Warning for this chapter: mentions of character death.**

 **~Heart**

Bruce Wayne sat at his desk and rubbed his temples. Work was hard today, and he was probably going to be late meeting his sons for lunch. He started a bit as his phone buzzed, and he checked the caller ID. It was Tim. He hit answer and brought it to his ear. "Hello Tim."

"Hey, Bruce, this is the Red Hood."

Bruce stiffened. "Jason. What are you-"

"Let's just say you might want to cancel Timmy's appointments for today. He's…not gonna be able to make any of them." _Click._

Bruce stared at the phone in horror. "He's- he's finally done it." He pulled a Justice League communicator out of a drawer and hit the button. "I need backup! Heavy backup!"

….

"I could probably just go to a hospital," Tim offered, watching Jason dig around in a rather large bin of medical supplies.

"Only if you can walk there. My bike was totaled. Along with your ankle," Jason said, holding up an ace bandage triumphantly.

"Um, it's just sprained," Tim pointed out.

"For now, anyways."

"I have a thing later…."

"I called Bruce. Everything's taken care of. You can even crash here until your ankle's healed. See? I can be nice," Jason said, this last comment apparently aimed at Roy, who was leaning against the wall.

"Phht. No you can't. Nice people order a pizza and then share it. Not hoard it," Roy said.

"I was hungry!"

"So was I!"

"Do you…have any food?" Tim asked, tentatively.

"Pizza," Jason said. "I'll get it."

Tim fiddled nervously with the edge of the bandage wrapped around his ankle. He wasn't really sure why he was here. Red Hood and Arsenal had crashed his fight and then brought him here when he had hurt his ankle. But the time before this when he had seen Red Hood, he had been chased halfway across Gotham before Batman had rescued him. Now the Red Hood apparently just expected him to hang out with the Outlaws. Or they had brought him here to do a ritual killing, over which Jason would preside. It could swing either way.

"All we have is cheese," said Jason, walking back in with a pizza box. "Who ordered the cheese?"

"You did," said Roy, sitting on the couch next to Tim (who was now pinned between Jason and Roy. Bad place to be if the ritual killing possibility decided to become probable) and grabbing a piece of pizza. "You had a concussion, and you wrestled the phone away from me and ordered six cheese pizzas. Then you put them all in your room and refused to give any of them, or give me the phone to order more, or let me out of the house to buy food. For two days."

"…No comment."

"Did you bring me here to murder me?" Tim asked.

"What?"

"Why would I murder you?" Jason asked, sounding confused.

"You keep trying to! You shot at me!"

"Yeah, but I missed. Plus, it's boring here with only Roy to talk to-"

"Hey!"

"-so you're safe for now. And there's a marathon of Psych on. There really is nothing better after a fight than pizza and TV," Jason said.

"That's true," Roy agreed. "But we might kill you later."

Jason reached around Tim and smacked Roy. "Don't joke about murder! I was murdered once, and it offends me."

"Ow! What's your problem?" Roy complained, rubbing his head.

"Honestly? Mostly hunger," Jason said, picking up a slice of pizza.

"Dick said once you punched him because he refused to share his fries, and you hadn't eaten in a while," Tim said.

"I remember that. I punched the waiter too."

"And now the Waynes own that restaurant. Do you have any red pepper flakes?" Tim asked.

Jason dug through his jacket pockets. "I have some pepper spray…. That's pretty much the same stuff, right?"

"Well, not really, Jason."

"Shut up, Timbers."

"My name's Tim."

"I know that."

 _Crash!_ The door was kicked in suddenly, and Superman, Batman, and the Flash burst in.

"Tim!"

"What the heck!"

"Hi, Dad."

"Jay, I don't think we have enough pizza to feed all these people," said Roy.

"Tim, are you ok?" Batman asked.

"Um, yes?"

"You don't sound sure," said Jason. "Sound more sure, or they will hurt us."

"Jason, you led me to believe that you had killed Tim. Would you mind explaining that?" Batman growled.

"Ah, if I'm not actually needed, can I leave? I'm supposed to be keeping track of my grandson," the Flash said.

"You're excused," said Batman. "Anyone else?"

"Nah I'm good," Said Superman.

"Could you put the door back when you leave? And I'm going to be reimbursed for the damages incurred by this unlawful entry into my apartment, right?" Jason asked.

"No. Tim, we're leaving."

"But he didn't try to hurt me, and there's pizza here," argued Tim. "He even helped me bandage my ankle."

"That's the nicest thing anyone's said about me for a while," said Jason.

"Are you not counting Starfire's Tameranian compliments?" asked Roy.

"I have a pretty good idea of what she's saying, and it's not complimentary, Roy."

"Look, you are running an unauthorized vigilante group," said Superman, stepping forwards. "And you took Robin here and left a cryptic message for Batman about it. How about we all go home, and clear this up later?"

"Well now he's never leaving," said Jason, throwing an arm around Tim's shoulders. The sudden movement had Batman pulling out a batarang.

"Jason, so help me-"

"Wait. That did sound violent. I didn't mean it as I'm going to kill him, I meant it as I don't like people telling me what to do; it makes me want to do the opposite," Jason clarified.

"Do I get a say in this?" Tim asked.

"No!" said Jason and Batman.

"Ok."

"Is this going to get resolved soon? I have a pizza order coming in," said Roy.

"Probably not. But we will need the pizza. For sustenance, when we barricade ourselves against the Justice League with Tim and never leave. After a while, we'll probably have to eat Roy. Because he'll be the first to go. Because Bats are better than Arrows."

"What? Arrows kill Bats!"

Jason looked down at Tim and raised an eyebrow. Tim looked uncertainly at Batman for a second, then looked back at Jason and nodded.

"BATS FOR THE WIN!"

There was a thump as all three boys wrestled in a heap on the floor, Tim and Jason trying to pin Roy.

"Get off you freaks!"

"Hey! I'm not a freak!"

"Ow! I think he broke my ankle!"

"This is for Tim's ankle!"

"Not the face- ow!"

Superman looked at Batman, who sighed. "I'll deal with this…"

"Alright. Next time-"

"Yes, yes. I'll make sure Tim's really dead before I call."

Everyone on the floor froze.

"And people say I have a grudge against Tim…"

Batman realized his unfortunate wording as Superman left. "Wait, I didn't-"

"Mean it? Sure, whatever you say," said Roy. "Next thing you know, Tim's 'accidently' been shot."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you!" Jason assured Tim, pulling out a gun and clicking the safety off.

"Wow. I feel so safe," Tim deadpanned.

"Tim, you're supposed to be the sane one in the family. We're supposed to meet Dick for dinner. Will you please come?" Batman pleaded.

"Dinner. And you didn't invite me," said Jason, shaking his head.

Tim looked beseechingly at Batman. "Please?"

"Oh, fine," Batman growled.

Tim grinned. "Hey Jason, wanna come to dinner with us?"

Jason tipped his head to the side. "Weeeell… ok. Will there be pizza?"

"How is this my life now?" asked Batman, following his sons out to the car.

 **But whether or not there was pizza is a story for another day. Also, apologies for the warning at the top. But to be fair, Tim's death was mentioned rather a lot.**

 **~Heart**


	20. Speedsters Nature

**I should probably cut down on the Calvin and Hobbes comics….**

 **~Unassailable Heart**

Jaime Reyes sat at the kitchen table in the cave, eating a breakfast of cereal. Last night's mission had ended late, and he had spent the night at the cave.

Garfield Logan, aka Beast Boy, wandered in. "Morning," he said, grabbing the bread out of the fridge. Jaime nodded in acknowledgement. Garfield took a piece of bread out of the bag, and put in the toaster. There was silence for a few minutes as the bread toasted, and Garfield got out the jelly. The toast popped out with a ' _ding!'_ and Garfield put it on a plate and smeared jelly on it with a knife. Then he walked over to the doorway, picked up the toast, and threw it across the room.

' _Zoom! Gulp!'_ was the only sound the red and white blur made as it entered the room, devoured the toast, and left before Jaime could get a good look at it.

"What the-"

Garfield raised an eyebrow at him. "It's in a speedster's nature. They're all like that, and you can't train it out of them," Garfield left the room with a swish of his green tail.

Jaime blinked. "But _what's_ in their nature? I don't even know what just happened!"

Bart poked his head back into the kitchen. "Food's more fun when it's on the run!"


	21. Good to be back (Final chapter)

**For posterity's sake, let's say this is about two years after season two.**

 **~Heart**

Damian Wayne, aka Robin, tapped his foot impatiently. His mentor had dragged him to the headquarters of the Young Justice Team (a ridiculous name) to get some files off of the computer. "Are you done yet?"

Dick Grayson, the current Batman, tapped at a keyboard. "Still looking, just a sec…"

There was a sudden humming sound, and a ball of light grew in the middle of the room, causing Robin to stumble back.

With a sudden bang, the light vanished, leaving a red and yellow clad man in its stead. "Ohmygosh, I'm out! What _year_ is this?"

"Was this supposed to happen?" asked Robin.

"Rob! Oh no! I must have gone back in time!" cried the person, speeding over and grabbing Robin's shoulders to measure his height against his yellow chest. "You're all small again!"

Robin remembered a report he had read on the Bat computer, and put that together with the fact that the stranger had _sped_ over. "Tt. Let go of me, West."

"He's back," said Batman, stunned. "I was given my redheaded best friend back... in a ball of light…. Jason was right; I do need to cut back on all the gingers."

"Oh no, Robin is like a mini Batman, and Batman is the Robin one!" Wally West, the previous Kid Flash fell to his knees. "No! I'll have to be friends with Batman! This is some sick alternate dimension where you two switched personalities! Next thing you know, Robin will have superpowers, and Batman will team up with the Joker…"

"I'm leaving," said Robin, fed up with the drama. Batman grabbed his hood.

"Hold on a minute. Wally, get up. You're fine, this is Damian. He's the fourth Robin."

"You can't tell him my name! He is clearly an imbecile! And I am the only _true_ Robin," fumed Robin.

"This is Damian _Wayne_ , and he's my sidekick," said Batman, and Robin kicked at him. _Stupid petty Grayson…_

"I'm the Batman, now, and the one you know is-dead."

Wally looked back and forth, a little confused. "You're telling me that Batman….procreated?"

Batman let out a snort of laughter, and Robin rolled his eyes. "Tt."

"Hey, this is the weirdest day of my life, cut me some slack!" Wally said, crossing his arms. "Seriously though, who is his mom?"

"That's- a really long strange story. But really, Wally, I'm glad you're back," said Batman.

"Me too, man," said Wally, stepping forwards to clasp his friends shoulder.

"This is overly sentimental. There is no way I'm joining this team if this sort of behavior is encouraged," said Robin. "And since it was founded by you two, I'm sure it is. I'm going to go train."

"Stiff little dude," commented Wally watching Robin walk away. "I should probably- oof!"

"Wally! IfeltyoucomebacktothisuniverseintheSpeedForceandI'msoglad!" said Bart Allen, the current Kid Flash from where he had burst into the cave and thrown his arms around his cousin. "Gosh, I think that energy shrunk you, though!"

Wally patted Bart's back. "I didn't shrink. You grew, kid. Apparently it's been a few years…"

"Just a few. Um, you aren't going to want to be Kid Flash again, are you? Because I don't think my Impulse costume will fit me anymore."

Wally shook his head. "Nah, I have a girl to get back to. Wear it proudly."

Bart nodded. "I will. I mean I do!"

"Good. Now, I have some people to say hi to," said Wally, walking toward a Zeta Beam. "It's good to be back."

 _ **The End**_

…

 **So originally I accidently misspelled burst and wrote that Bart 'burts into the cave' (Thanks for fixing that, bro), which led to this little extra story:**

M'gann was only half listening to her little brother Garfield's story about the Team's latest exploits as she watered her uncle's plants.

….And then, Bart just burts in and-"

"Wait, you mean he burst in," corrected M'gann.

"No, he burts. It's a Bart thing. He does it all the time. I tried it once, and I sprained a deltoid. You gotta be really special to burts," said Gar. "Anyways, then we all…"

 **I have a weird mind, ok? Don't judge. Also, this will be the only one with Wally back and Damian as Robin. Because, my friends, this is the end. Thank you all for reading, and always believe in Heroes! ~Heart**


	22. First Impressions (bonus chapter)

**Tuesday:**

"When will he be here?" asked M'gann.

"Soon, probably," answered Kaldur. "Nightwing said he would take Robin here today to go on a mission with the team."

Wally stood up and stretched. "It'll be good to have a Robin around here again. Nightwing's good, but now he's acting all mature and whatever…"

"And I've never even known a Robin on the team," added Tula.

 _Nightwing, B01_ announced the Zeta tube.

Everyone looked up eagerly.

"Dude, what's up? I thought we were getting a new member today?" asked Wally as Nightwing walked in alone.

Nightwing silently handed Wally a note, which was opened and read.

"Dear Team,

I apologiez apalojize apologize for not being able to come on the mission with you, and causing you to have to change your plans. I am in the hospital, getting stitches on my stomack.

I hope to meet you all next week.

~Robin

P.S. Never run with sissors. "

Wally finished reading and folded up the letter. "Ok… Next week then!"

"Just a warning. Batman made him write the note. So don't expect him to be so polite when he actually gets here," added Nightwing.

"I'll remember that," said Tula.

…

 **Monday:**

"Again?" Wally asked, accepting the note from Nightwing.

"Dear Team,

I will not be joining you this week, I'm being grounded because I called Harley Quinn a $%!# something bad that I should never call women ever again. And I should never make general assumpshuns about girl villains, they could be wrong. See you in three days.

~Robin

Wally put the note down.

M'gann picked it up. "What was it he called-"

"You don't want to know," said Nightwing. "I'd never heard it, and Batman had to tell me what it meant."

"Ok then," said Artemis. "Next time."

 **Friday:**

"If he hadn't been complaining for the past two weeks about how much he wanted to come here, I would be thinking that maybe he didn't," Nightwing said, handing another note to Wally.

"Man, this is getting ridiculous," said Wally, opening the note.

"Dear Team,

I'm not coming again, because I broke the Batmobile. And the Batmobile is a weaponized vehicle, not a toy and I will never touch it without permission ever again. I know this now because I wrote it out 100 times. My hand hurts. And I'm grounded for a week.

~Robin

"He broke the Batmobile?" M'gann asked, aghast. "How?"

"We still don't really know," said Nightwing. "See you all next week."

"This really is getting ridiculous," said Artemis.

 **Saturday:**

"Maybe we should just try this when he's older, and better behaved," suggested Wally, opening the note Nightwing had handed him.

"Dear Team,

I can't come this time because I got into a fight with my brother and broke his hand-"

Wally broke off and looked at Nightwing, who held up a hand encased in a black cast.

"- and he gave me a nose bleed and now I'm grounded for the day. Although this wasn't all my fault, he shouldn't have teased me about the books I like. Its not my fault I'm better than you I will not fight with family and team members.

~Robin

"At this rate we're not going to see him until _he's_ Nightwing!" Wally said, exasperated.

"Hey, there is only one Nightwing, and he does not share power…"

"What?" said Tula.

"Never mind. We have a villain to track. Let's get on it," said Nightwing.

 **Sunday:**

Nightwing crossed his arms. "Brace yourselves."

Superboy, Wally, and Tula stopped what they were doing.

"Why?" Asked Wally.

" _I'm Batman,"_ a low voice growled next to his ear.

"Holy carp!" Wally yelled, speeding away and reappearing next to Nightwing.

Nightwing raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

The teenage boy crouching on the edge of the couch jumped down and mimicked Nightwings stance. "Your friends scare easy."

"Robin?" Tula asked hesitantly.

Robin grinned at her. "Yep! The one, the only and the best!"

Nightwing walked over and pushed him.

"Hey!"

Two seconds later a full fledged fight had broken out.

"Cut it out!" Tula ordered, reaching in and grabbing Nightwings arm.

"I dare you to say that I started it," taunted Robin.

"Jerk," muttered Nightwing, letting Tula help him up. "KF, Supes, keep an eye on this joker for me, will you? Tula and I will go over the mission file."

Nightwing and Tula left the rec room, and Wally and Superboy looked at the teen still sitting on the floor.

"How old are you?" Superboy asked suddenly.

Robin tipped his head to the side. "Thirteen. Why?"

Superboy crossed his arms. "From your letters, I assumed you'd be closer to eight years old."

"Hey!" Robin jumped to his feet and took two steps forwards into Superboy's personal space. "So I'm not good at writing letters, so what? Batman made me write'em, its not like I wanted to."

Wally grinned, and ruffled Robins hair, using his super speed to dodge the punch Robin tried to throw at him. "You're a lot more sensitive than the last Boy Wonder."

Robin rolled his eyes. "I am not. Nightwings so touchy, its ridiculous."

Wally frowned. "Hey, no bad mouthing the Team Leader."

Robin grinned again. "Or what?"

Wally took a step forward. " You wanna be on this team, you respect the rules."

Robin shrugged. "From what I heard, this place was supposed to be more fun than hanging around with the grownups all day. What a rip off." He smirked at Superboy. "Then again, should have known you'd just bed a copy of the boy scout."

"You little-"

Wally and Superboy both lunged for Robin at the same time, who was unable to evade them. Robin tried to shift so Wally would be hit in the stomach, but at the same time, Superboy grabbed his arm. They all went down, with all of Superboy's weight on Robins arm.

 _Crunch_

"Aaah!"

"Whoops," said Superboy.

Tula and Nightwing came running back in.

"What happened!"

Wally got up, trying to help the injured teen stand. "This is why we can't have nice things."

Nightwing quickly came over and examined Robins arm. "Nah, we got him cheap, he breaks easy. Ow!"

Robin sniffled a bit, then used the uninjured hand he had just used to punch Nightwing to scrub at his eyes.

Nightwing awkwardly patted him on the head. "Sorry kid, It's back home for you."

"But I just got here," complained Robin, in a voice that was suspiciously quivery.

"I know, but Agent A will patch you up, and you'll be back in no time to annoy everyone some more," promised Nightwing, leading Robin to the zeta tubes.

Robin paused for a moment before zetaing through. "Bye! I'll be back to go on a mission soon!"

Wally shook his head. "Wow."

Superboy looked concerned. "Do you think he's ok?"

Wally threw an arm around his friends shoulder. "Him? He's fine, I'm very sure it's not the first bone he's broken. Or the last. He'll make a great Robin."

Tula walked over. "Yes he will. From what Nightwing told me, I think he'll fit right in," she laughed. "He'll be _my_ Robin, like Nightwing was yours! We'll stick together like glue. Him and me. I can feel it."


End file.
